What I want

I think I've been faking the last few days. OMG. I know that I'm hurting, but I've been avoiding it. I'm so sick of being in high school. I'm so sick of being in this state. I'm so sick of loving him. I just want to go off to college and never fall in love again. I want to get 3 PHDs. I want to write books, plays, movie scripts, and compose music. Sometimes, I just want to do something absolutely bizarre. Life is getting boring. I'm tired of doing the right thing, but I dare not do the wrong thing. What if it comes back on me? I was born to accept that I would never fall in love, so I'm okay with that. I just want out of this sorry state. Then I want to travel the world. I want to see more than I do. I want to see things in person. I can't do these things because I'm in a sorry state in a sorry high school and in a sorry life. My parents want me to go to a college. Really I have no choice, but that's okay because it's what I want. Yes I'm still smiling, but my mind is somewhere else. My mind is always somewhere else.