(I'm over this. I know I am. Its just been a long weekend.)
Today is the one year anniversey of my break up with my psycho ex.
Over the past year she's entered and left my mind at random.
Its normal, I tell myself, because she was my long realtionship
ever. And whenever I'm really depressed I wonder if I'm
like the others in her track list. Wondering if it was all a
lie.
Her name is IDS Girl. I met her online. She was a cool person
to talk to and I started to develope a crush on
her even though I never saw a picture of her. When I did the
crush cemented. She was pretty, smart, she loved books, she
wrote. Oh and she had a boyfriend. I figured that was
just my luck. I mean of course she would have a boyfriend.
Then I started to wonder more about the girl when she would tell
about all the other boys she was dating. To this day I still
don't know if I have this right but I think it
was something like this.
Jeremey was her boyfriend at home. Issac was her boyfriend who used
to live close by but now lived in Florida. Nick was her weird on
again off again verbally abusive boyfriend that live
in Georgia. Billy was her "hero" boyfriend that lived in
Texas. Rich, Davie, and Cody were guys at school she flirted with
on a daily basis. And then there was Peter. Peter was supposedly
her "true boyfriend". She told me that she was going to
get married with him but he ended up cheating on her and got
the other girl pregnant.
After finding out that she had boyfriends in the double digits I
gave up on my crush. I just knew it was stupid to think that I
could even be with a girl like her. But ironically enough I would
get her. When was back on with Nick she told me she had a crush on
me. I told her I had one on her a long time ago. She asked
me if I wanted to kiss her. Like I was going to step on that time
bomb. But I wasn't given a choice. She kissed me and then thats
when I receded into a cocoon of stupidity and emotions.
For eight months I dated IDS Girl. I tried to be the perfect
boyfriend, but she made it so hard. She flirted with everybody. She
teased guys at her school. I didn't want to be the type of
boyfriend that was insanely jealous but what could I do.
When she asked if it bothered me I told "of course it
bothers me" then she asked why didn't I tell her to stop?
Because I thought she had more sense than that. But I
just dealt with it. She called me
every night talking my ear off until late at night and
then she would wake me up the crack of dawn so she could talk
to me as she got ready for school.My phone bill went through the
roof because of her. I was emotionally, physically and
mentally exhausted with this girl. All the while we dated my
friends told me to dump her. That she was bad for me. I just
ignored them and did whatever my heart told me to do. I was in love
and I guess I just expected everything would fix
itself.
On the night we broke up I went to watch movies
at Rick's house (we were friends then) and Luna had broken
up with Fitz. Hayden was with me and helped console Luna. We
started to watch the movie and IDS Girl called me and demanded to
know where I was. I told her I was out with my friends and that
Luna was having an emotional break down. She got angry at me and
told me to call her back when she was higher on my
priorities list. She kept texting through the movie and then
finally I went outside and called her.
She told me she felt unloved and that I was being a terrible
boyfriend. That I never called enough. That I was selfish and that
I never said "I love you" anymore. I snapped after
that. She was the one who told me that if she didn't say
"I love you" it was only because she didn't want the
words to lose meaning. For thirty minutes we talked and she told me
that she developed a crush on another boy, Mark, in California. She
said she was confused but she wanted to work everything out with
me. I ended up dumping her. I burned all of her stuff (which was
little since she liked to get gifts instead of give them). But I
felt great. I told her goodbye (which to her was a big thing,
meaning goodbye forever) and that I didn't want to hear from
her ever again.
I haven't heard from her since that day. I got over her and
then I started to like Hayden and then I fell in love with her. But
there are days where I still wonder if any of it was real. The
kisses, the letters, anything.
Oh well. I feel better now that I've written something. Happy
Anniversey to any and all other break ups.
See you in the skies,
Icarus
365 Days...
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