Don't know where I stand

Let's be candid. Can we try? Ok, here's my effort.
Senior ball/prom was this past saturday and I did not go. Seeing all the pictures and hearing all the stories gave me a tiny twinge of regret that I didn't go, but then I just remind myself why I didn't go: I really didn't want to. No, it's not because I didn't have a date. No, it's not because of financial issues (fortunately). It's simply because I did not want to. I don't feel like I should have to answer to anyone why I chose not to. It's my own personal choice, is it not? Since when did prom become a requirement?
So back off.
The guy I wouldn't have minded so much going with was all alone though. Haha! I'm not laughing at him, I'm just laughing at the fact he couldashoulda asked me. But enough of that.
The guy that told me a million times he would take me reminded me of that on Saturday. He had actually promised me last year before he graduated. He's a good friend, nothing more! Can't that be possible? Everyone takes everything out of context. Why can't there be a good guy-girl relationship without any hormones? It's totally possible.
Possible.
I miss knowing that things were possible at one point. I've accepted the fact that things'll change and I can't stop them because, heck, with no change comes no progress and we need progress I believe. Go forth and prosper. We have about 6 days of school left and that has put me in a spot where I'm thinking a lot about everything. That 1 year and 4 months is too long for him. That 4 years seems so long, but here we are. That the next 4 years seems just as impossible, but there it'll be. All these choices, decisions. I wish people would stop asking me what I'm going to do with my life. I'm still in shock that I'm here where I am right now. Give me time, give me time. It'll all fall in place. I'll fall in place. Just allow me that time.
As for my...old friend I guess will be her title, she's still frazzled. She doesn't know where to go to college. I wish she'd talk to me, because that usually helps her. She can talk it out and then figure it out. But whatever for now. She'll come around.
Around.
I feel like I need to give myself more credit. I've beem humble throughout my entire life it seems, and although that may seem great and all, sometimes we need to be selfish I think, give ourselves the credit we deserve. I need to stop waiting around for other people to acknowledge my accomplishments. Yeah, it's nice when they do, but hey. I can't sit around and hope someone else will notice, I need to tell myself what I've done is good. That I'm not a completely terrible person, that I am worth something. I am so glad I took psychology this year because I see more clearly that in the end, me is all I have. I compliment others, but I don't want to wait for them to compliment me back. If I put together a crackin' outfit, I will flaunt it. Yeah, so trivial, but baby steps, baby steps.
I don't want to wait anymore.
As I write this, I realize something: I'm a bit excited for college all of a sudden. I can start anew. From scratch. Brand spankin' NEW. Not to mean that I'm going to erase everything I've created in the last 4 years, no. I like what I've become for the most part, but there's always room for improvement. I can let go what needs to be gone so I can grab onto something worthwhile. I can let go of him.
Oh high school never ends.
I wish the kids around me would realize that. They think college will be full of mature adults, but isn't it just the same exact kids around you who hope others will be the mature ones so they can catch on? High school never ends. And when they say "whatever" or "Who are you to say that?" I would just love to tell them that I've experienced it already, but, again, I'm going to let it go.
That excitement may only be temproary, my emotions right now are still unpredicatable, but it's good right now. It's good.
So I don't know exactly...anything, but I have the potential to know everything. I didn't go to prom, so I don't know the drama. He's not worth it. She's...going to have to grow up. And me...I just don't know where I stand but I'm really loving every moment of it, even though I may seem miserable. I can go anywhere from this unknown location I'm at/in and that just puts my confusion in a whole new perspective.
Alas.