Staring at the Ceiling

When I was in high school I was on the debate team. One weekend we headed to this town for a debate conference so we could learn the topic for that semester and learn how to debate better. The topic sucked royally and Hayden and I took some notes before giving up and doodling on our notebooks. A few hours later while we were waiting for our debate coach to finish her last class Hayden and I just stared at the ceiling. Our high school is in a small Texas town and we had never been to a school that had such high ceilings. We lay on backs and it felt like we were on the ceiling staring at the floor. Its been one of my most favorite memories with Hayden and ever since then ceilings have always mellowed me out.

Grandmother is still stable so thats a good thing I guess. I just wish she wasn't suffering as much. Today I went and bought a suit to wear at her funeral. How sad is that? But according to Mom its better to be prepared. Still, I hated shopping for it and I hated trying it on, and I hated having to go up a pant size because the other ones were too tight.

The rest of the week has been...mildly tolerable. My dad has been constructing a new deer stand. And of course I got ropped in to help him with it. I thought since I helped make the last one that I would never have to do it again. I was wrong as I mean seldom right in my life. And as I was working with my dad all he did was nag to me about our "relationship". How out of all of his kids I'm the one he knows almost nothing about. How we never communicate. And he's been pounding God, being responsible in college, doing my work on time, and God in my head over and over again like some broken record. But here's the thing...I already know this stuff. I've been preached to by this man for as long as I can remember. And I've tired desperately to make a connection with him. Its been mostly hit and miss...more miss than hit...but in the end I'm just tired of trying. I mean its been years. Many, many, many years and I'm just done. He had plenty of opportunites to have a relationship with me and he chose not to do anything about it. Oh well. Such is life. I'll live.

Seth and his girlfriend, Pearl, broke up. Sorry, they're on a break. But the thing is they were never really that good a couple. Sure they had this puppy love cuteness phase for the longest time but they're just kids. They have no idea what love is. Of course this was all Seth's fault. For one of their...was it six month? Whatever, one of their anniverseries he gave her a promise ring. Now for all of you that don't know, a promise ring is like a junior engagement ring. Its a "promise" that you'll be with them forever. But here's the kicker: promise rings are cursed. Any idiot that gives his girlfriend a promise ring has just doomed his relationship. So over the course of a month and a few weeks Pearl and Seth start having some issues. She complains that he doesn't spend enough time with her and he fights back with that she's too clingy. The next week is vice versa. Finally it just got to the point where Seth just kept on trying and trying to be a good boyfriend but Pearl just didn't care. So they took a "break", but I just hope that don't get back together. Its sad when you see your friend hurting over something like this.

I bought stuff for college the other day. Of course I have a lot of stuff from last semester I can use but stuff for the dorm. Still no information on my rommate (if I even have one). But I bought the basic stuff and I can't wait for move in day. And I'm looking forward to making new friends and ditching the crazy ones (Luna). Of course I'm still nervous. Sure back in this place college was easy and I could drive right back home after class. Its was basically 13th and 14th grades. But now I'm moving off to a place where no one is from my hometown. Where there is way more talented people and harder teachers and professors. I just hope I can hack this.

And Hayden. I spent some time with her and I had that moment. You know where you think that its been a while now and you can try getting that person to go out with you? But then I realized after rambling to her and talking and just being with each other that I was wrong. We've moved back into our friendship. Our closeness that I have so missed. We're talking about books again, and music, and my rantings over life, T.V., and movies. And sure she's quiet sometimes but that's how she is. Sometimes she needs to quiet and I just sit and let the stillness settle. I asked her that we would still keep in touch and she smiled and said that we should meet up once or twice a month. And our former teacher suggested that we take ten pictures and show them to each other when we go. You learn so much from each other when you show them images that capture your attention...also when you forget to take pictures its funny to see what take. But I can just say that Hayden's my friend...and I love her. I guess in a way I'll always love F**khead and I'll always be Pighead.

My brother, Perry is coming back home after interning at this place in Colorado. I'll have to deal with him for five whole days before I move out. Hopefully he'll be off visiting friends or other members of our family so I won't have to deal with him as much.

So thats my update in a nutshell. And sure life is crazy and everyone needs help with something or other. Whether it be about death, breaks, school, family, work, lovers, spouses, chores or whatever there is always a blissful moment of peace so you can get back out there. Right now is my moment of peace. So I'm going to lay on my bed and stare at the ceiling.

Staring,

Icarus