Parenting

Thursday, November 26, 2009

A Princess Problem: I don't want my daughter to dress up as a princess for Halloween.



Much to my annoyance, my three-year-old has become princess-obsessed. While I support her right to express herself, honestly, I was hoping she would go more in the direction of strong female role models. She dresses up in Cinderella, Belle and Aurora costumes all year round — can I put my foot down on Halloween and demand Wonder Woman attire? — Royal Pain in the Ass

Dear Royal,

Year after year parents worry that their vulnerable young daughters will be damaged by obsessions with Disney's wasp-waisted, pug-nosed role models. The princess industrial complex is unstoppable, and our little girls are drawn to it like flies to sh*t. If you manage to keep the whole thing outside of your daughter's frame of vision, we salute your efforts (and wonder if she's getting enough Vitamin D locked in that basement). If your daughter knows about princesses but doesn't give a hoot, we salute your . . . luck. The major feminist argument against The Princess is that her entire personality consists of being passive and pretty. Some worry more about the stress on beauty, for others it's the lack of agency, or the lack of cultural identity. It's all very interesting from a semiotics standpoint. But as Peggy Orenstein put it a few years ago in the Times, " maybe a princess is sometimes just a princess." In other words, what she means to you is not at all what she means to your daughter. Fighting her obsession could hurt your cause. These tinsel goddesses are characters she identifies with; negativity may be wrongly interpreted or internalized. You might teach her that you don't like what she likes, or what she imagines she is. Or, you might just show her a really easy way to rile you up.

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Comments 1-10 of 72
  • mel's Avatar
    Posted by mel Thu Oct 29, 2009 8:57pm PDT

    a halloween costume is such a minor thing. i say pick your battles. it halloween. a time for fantasy. let her be whatever she wants as long as it isn't reveiling and she can be seen in the dark. whether she is a princess,witch,kitty, or hobo; it's all in good fun. why ruin it with a battle over feminisim.

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  • becca's Avatar
    Posted by becca Thu Oct 29, 2009 10:52pm PDT

    She's still little. I don't see a problem with it. Maybe you should teach her about real life princesses have made a difference and not just sat there looking pretty. Then she gets her princess fix, and you won't have to feel bad about it

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  • no2dads's Avatar
    Posted by no2dads Thu Oct 29, 2009 11:37pm PDT

    Come on here leave the feminist stuff for when they grow up and understand what you are talking about. It's their world and not ours to choose.

    Make a statement during the year, be supportive and make suggestions but if you want a battle later in life then go ahead and change her costume to Wonder Woman. She and her lot hated and made slaves of men and believe me if she grows up dainty and small then i hope you have therapy and martial arts money.

    This fen=minist stuff is as bad as some of my male conterparts that make women feel this way.

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  • justokay's Avatar
    Posted by justokay Fri Oct 30, 2009 3:21am PDT

    This will pass. My daughter did the princess thing for around 5 years. Now, she wants to be scary. And she has no lasting princess personality. Just let her wear whatever she wants. Remember, if parents hate it - kids are more attracted to it.

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  • SakeJuice's Avatar
    Posted by SakeJuice Fri Oct 30, 2009 4:27am PDT

    haha so far my daughter likes monsters! she loves those tim burton movies "the corpse bride" and "nightmare before christmas". i tried to get her to watch "sleeping beauty", and she walked out the room! it's been interesting exposing my little girl to new things to see how she reacts to them. she loved "where the wild things are" and "cirque du freak: the vampire assistant" we'll see how long the monster phase lasts. but so far i'm loving it! its hilarious to see my little growl with the creatures on the screen.

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  • AshleeT's Avatar
    Posted by AshleeT Fri Oct 30, 2009 4:32am PDT

    my 5 year old has been princess obsessed ever since she could say "princess", but while she's dressed up in her cinderella or snow white costumes, she's also playing with toy cars, playing outside with our dog, or trying to climb a tree. As far as she's concerned it's a pretty outfit not a personality or lifestyle decision. Your daughter is only 3 so I agree with mel: pick your battles.

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  • Mammina's Avatar
    Posted by Mammina Fri Oct 30, 2009 5:51am PDT

    She's only 3 the same age as my little girl, mine is too obsessed with princesses at the moment about a year ago she was obsessed with Dora. Leave her to dream and belive in fairy tales while she is so young and innocent, she will realise when she grows older that real life is different. And rest assured that this is just a princess phase, within a couple of years, she won't even want to look at them!! :)

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  • Elizabeth's Avatar
    Posted by Elizabeth Fri Oct 30, 2009 6:37am PDT

    But the Disney Princesses lately are so much stronger lately. I mean it you think about the girls like pocahontas or Belle..or Mulan!... These are strong women that didn't just wait around for their prince to come save them!

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  • Mo B's Avatar
    Posted by Mo B Fri Oct 30, 2009 6:52am PDT

    I think this is ridiculous. What other things are you exposing your daughter to if this is what her role model is? My daughter loves dressing up as a princess and not just for halloween. She has a huge trunk full of princess clothes and we both play dress up together. If your worried about who your daughter's role models are then become an example of what you want her to look up to. I'm not worried at all, my daughter has a great role model in me.

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  • onnamusha's Avatar
    Posted by onnamusha Fri Oct 30, 2009 6:56am PDT

    I was a princess for many years in my youth, but only on Halloween. The other 364 days, I played with cars, bikes, baseball and football. Imagine that...a tomboy who dresses like a princess? Sounds like you have baggage attached to the princess image, but I can't imagine a 3-year-old getting this kind of subtle message from something that's just a pretty costume. I've got one idea: teach her about real-life princesses in history. It might be a springboard to learning, eh?

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