The rest of 2008's holidays were never celebrated... My Mandy was killed on November 15th, 2008 when her boyfriend's car crashed at approximately 3:30 in the afternoon and our world was sent into a tailspin.
Like zombies I woke up each morning and did what I had to do - doing things as if by remote control. It seemed like I was stuck in a bad dream - begging daily that I would wake up and things would be fine. I had done everything I was supposed to to keep her safe, to teach her about the dangers in life..... I couldn't understand how it could have happened, why it happened... etc... It wasn't a dream and on November 19th I had to accept that when we had her ceremony with over 800 people in attendance.
It feels strange to say I was lucky - but I don't know what else to call it... I was lucky that we know she died very quickly and without pain or suffering. I was lucky that no one else was hurt in the accident. I was lucky that I didn't have to be angry with her for doing something wrong that got her hurt - this certainly was not her fault.
I was MOST lucky that I knew her faith was strong. Strangely, she and I had a conversation just three weeks before this happened - about what she would want when she died. This was the single most important conversation I have ever had.... I was sure at the time that we were talking about 50 - 60 years in the future - for that part I was unlucky - but it was a comfort knowing that as I made the most difficult arrangements of my life, for her service, I was certain I was doing what she wanted.
She sent clear instructions as to what she wanted....
My Final ONGOING Wish
Celebrate my life,(it’s okay to mourn the
loss) and remember the good times.
Celebrate YOUR life (include me) and make
MORE good times.
Remember what I wanted...please do for me now, what I
cannot.
Hold each other up; lift someone you don’t even
know.
Aspire to greatness, dream BIG, and achieve many
goals.....
Teach many, and smile HUGE in my honor.
As Mother's day of 2009 approached I became depressed again, not knowing how to get through the day without the hug and the smile from my daughter... it seemed almost to much to deal with. Then in a dream the idea came... I purchased over 100 flowers and passed them out to random women over the Mother's day weekend and their smiles got me through the pain.
I clung tight to Mandy's wishes especially the lines "Lift Someone You Don't Even Know" , "Aspire to Greatnes, Dream Big and achieve many goals", along with "Teach Many and SMILE huge in my honor"... I thought that if I got such a wonderful feeling from seeing people smile when they got a flower that I could expand on that idea and do something really great to Honor Mandy...
I wanted to do Random Acts of Kindness - thus lifing someone I don't know - but the question was HOW to let them know WHY I was doing it and more importantly how could I get them to know to pass the kindness forward? Well, wouldn't you know it my Angel sent me the answer - a message in my inbox for 250 free business cards! I got to work and ordered them - noting on them that the random act was provided in Memory of Mandy and asking them to pay the kindness forward.
I did lots of things - gave away jewelry, purchased coffee for someone behind me in line, left $1.00 bills with a card at the register for the next person to find, paid the toll for the person behind me when we traveled... you get the idea... and I found that the more I did for others, the better I felt about myself and it made me feel so close to Mandy, knowing I was doing what she wanted.
Then I remembered the Line - DREAM BIG - and I wondered if I was doing enough? Was I reaching enough people, was I doing something big enough? After speaking with several of Mandy's classmates we decided that NO we could do more...
We knew that Mandy's goal was to become a teacher. We knew that her biggest DREAM was to travel to Africa and volunteer as a teacher. So we decided that we could do everything she requested by working to bring a student from Africa here to Maine on a 4 year paid scholarship so that they could go back to Africa and fill a teaching position in Mandy's name.
We held a benefit and I created a website and I put the website on each of the cards I hand out! It has been heartwarming to see the counter increase with each person that visits the site -
To learn more about Mandy and our Mission; to see pictures and listen to some heart warming music - please visit the website dedicted to her - I would love your feedback and suggestions!
