And you thought pre-date anxiety was the hardest part? Think again. Any serial dater knows the most infuriating time in the early stages of a relationship is the twenty-four to forty-eight hours that follow the first date.
When’s he going to call? Should you call him? What’s an appropriate amount of time to wait? Here are some guidelines to keep in mind:
Sleep on it.
Give yourself some time to
assess your feelings and
the date itself.
Haven’t heard from him yet? Give him a call. A lot of
women are afraid to take the initiative on this one, for fear of
seeming desperate or over eager. But that’s just silly and
outdated. A lot of men will respect you for having the guts to
follow up. If this guy doesn’t, he’s probably not worth your time
anyway.
But, don’t call if you have nothing to say.
Know of a show you’d like to invite him to? Give him a call. Or
maybe you saw something that reminded you of a conversation you
had. By all means, tell him about it. But if you’re calling just to
sit awkwardly on the other end of the phone, waiting for him to say
something meaningful, you’re wasting both of your time.
Know when to back off.
If you find that you’re the only one making any sincere effort
after the first, second, or third date, it may be time to
cut your losses and move on. Don’t project your own feelings of
interest onto him or you might just find you’re having a
relationship with yourself. Let him reach out to you. If he
doesn’t, onwards and upwards! Life is too short and you’re too
awesome to be making all the effort.
And what if you don’t like him? How do you break the news?
Be kind.
Think about how you’d want to be treated if you were the rejectee. Nothing is worse than
being left in the dark. If your date expresses interest in pursuing
the relationship, a phone call or email will go a long way towards
giving the both of you piece of mind.
Be honest.
Or as close to it as possible, without hurting his feelings. Tell
your date that, although you enjoyed meeting him, you didn’t feel
there was any chemistry or potential for the long term, and so you
aren’t interested in taking it any further. It’s not easy to say,
but you’ll feel so much better once you’ve done it. Need a good
one-liner to get you started? Try I’m not feeling what I
need to be feeling to … [fill in the blank]. Whether
the ending to that phrase is “to continue seeing you romantically,”
“to pursue anything beyond platonic friendship,” or “to keep
footing the bill for all our dates,” this start can be helpful both
in person and in email.
If you know for sure that it could never go anywhere, don’t give
him another shot just to be nice. You’ll just end up getting his
hopes up. He’ll continue to pursue you and you’ll have to have the
talk all over again.
Use the right medium.
Only met once? A polite email should suffice. Been on a few
dates? A phone call is probably more appropriate. Avoid breaking
the news via text message in the vast majority of cases, although
if it’s between sending a text message and dropping off the face of
the earth, just text.
Of course, connections and communication aren’t always perfect. There will be people who you keep “forgetting” to call back. Some will catch the clue. Others may need the I’m not feeling … line after their seventh screened call in a week.
There will also be people who “forget” to call you back, who don’t call, email, text, or IM you ever again. It’s natural to muse on why, but don’t let yourself linger on that type of thought for too long. If you did this to someone, wouldn’t it mean that you’re not interested? Right. So listen to the wisdom you already have, don’t take it personally, and don’t become the topic of “that gal” stories he tells to his friends. Move on!
Each mismatch brings you closer to the real thing. Don’t waste your time on the ones that aren’t right and learn from what didn’t work to help you find the person that does!This article is an excerpt from Anna and Tania's Professional Woman's Guide to Dating.
Read more -- and find out what the men think! -- on WomenCo.com! -->
What else is hot on WomenCo.?
- Online Dating: Why and How to Do It
- Dating a Coworker: Can It Work for You?
- 25 Things a Professional Woman Should Never Wear
- 10 Ways to Make Yourself Unfireable
Quiz: Are You Ready for a Relationship?
