Age Difference

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  Posted by casy Sat Nov 7, 2009 7:21am PST

  Communication is SO IMPORTANT in any relationship....So you need to tell him how you feel about him and the way things are going. Get him to open up to you...so you are not longer in the dark about it all. Then go from there....Maybe is is too old for you, you too young foe him? Maybe he isn't the right one, I don't know. But if you are having to ask for advice, then some thing os off. some thing in your gut is telling you, some is off....Always listen to your gut feelings, for they are usually right. But do go and have a heart to heart talk with him and see where ihe is really coming from. Maybe things with his X are not totally over?.....

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  Posted by audreyg Sat Nov 7, 2009 8:05am PST

  Communication is vital in any relationship, often times when men have a problem communicating they usually tend to have something to hide. be very cautious and especially because of your age. He is experienced far more than you and you are yet in the learning phase. I advise you to watch and take it slow.

  Perhaps he is too old for you and you should probably be dating someone your age so as to have things in common and a plus to that is that you can learn together. what do you have to lose and what do you have to gain?

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  Posted by K Sat Nov 7, 2009 8:32am PST

  I agree with casy in the previous comment. Have a heart to heart talk with him. Get it all out in the open, so you don't have these doubts that are nagging at you. Take care of yourself first, and the rest will take care of itself.

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  Posted by Francis Sat Nov 7, 2009 8:34am PST

  A Man's Perspective Here,

  Blahh, Blahh, Blahh, "Communication"... Hit that pause button. (We'll come back to this in a minute)

  You are damn right he's afraid of telling you anything of substance, and if his "Ex" was a legal "wife", then he's even less likely to be more forthcoming about many things... his feelings being the last of which he will speak with any degree of candor.

  Here's an abridged version of why.

  I say this not to defend him, but rather to likely define him, and... to illustrate how an opposite reaction (one where he confided everything to you) would be an even more difficult situation for you.

  Let's say he was with his ex for 6 years. At some point in the relationship, he likely did confide in his ex. After an evening of pillow talk, where he confessed in great anguishing detail about a particular pleasure or pain, she moves her face close to his and whispers--"I'm glad we can be so open."

  For men, this information exchange is a secret, one that should not be brought up unless he does so, nor beat to death by your well meaning but amateur Dr. Phil'isms.

  I would bet the house, that during the unwinding process, as a tool of revenge--she used those words in an attempt to cripple him, enrage him, or paralyze him. He know associates truth, and dedication (the unspoken agreement that this topic off limits forever!) with women.

  Your being younger (and notice I did not bring this up till now) is a benefit and a burden.

  The burden is that a). You are female, and that he risks duplicating the same mistake by confiding in another female. b). Because women connect on a more 50/50 level of actions and words then men, you may physically be in front of him, and even speaking conversationally... but because you sense (and rightfully so) that he is with holding something from you--you feel shorted. (Relationship math)

  Your benefit, is that you are young, and are not jaded. Face it, he hears enough from his friend and coworkers (both men and women) the jaded index rises pretty quickly after about 32.

  I am surmising that you're not just a play-toy to him, because if you were, he'd tell you a bunch of lies just to keep sleeping with you.

  My advice, the more distance you give him, the faster he can sort things out, and clarify what he wants. The less you try to help... the more helpful you will be.

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  Posted by another hockey fan Sat Nov 7, 2009 8:38am PST

  Marianne: AudreyG made some very good points. When I was 21, I dated older guys than me and it never worked out. At your age there is so much to life that you have yet to experience. You said he has an ex but you didn't say ex girlfriend or wife. Either way you don't have the full story as to why he's even still communicating with her (or didn't share it with us) so that leads me to believe he might still have feelings for her and is why he's been so "busy". He could still be married. This actually isn't about trying to get HIM to feel more comfortable but more about finding YOU feeling less stressed about what he's not telling you.

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  Posted by Mauna Sat Nov 7, 2009 8:38am PST

  I can guarantee you, that since your man has become more busy in th'business' department, that either you get yourself busy as well, or you are going to find yourself being very unhappy and in a bind of misery...it's your call! If he cannot spend 2-3 days with you through out the week, just to touch base with you and spend time with you...there are going to be 'issues' that turn into bigger problems that eventually lead to a break up due to differences between how each one interprets how the 'relationship' should be as.

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  Posted by Jesus 1st! Sat Nov 7, 2009 9:59am PST

  The question is.....are you planning on spending the rest or substantial amount of time in the future with him? If you feel it's worth your time then go for it; but your young and my opinion ask yourself why he is not relating with someone his age? Or does he thinks you are easer to handle?

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  Posted by casy Sat Nov 7, 2009 10:08am PST

  MOVE ON....YOUR YOUNG......YOU HAVE YOUR WHOLE LIFE A HEAD OF YOU.....

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  Posted by Rolando Sat Nov 7, 2009 4:26pm PST

  when ur something in like this u always have to talk to him and tell him how ur feeling.if he does like you he will try to change for u but if he doesnt seem to care than dump that guy cuz like u said his a busy man u really honeslty never know if his really working or not.but always find out first whats going on before anything happends.maybe his going through something hard and doesnt want to hurt you.just try talking to him and see how everything goes.trust me girl if he really likes u he will do anything to make u feel loved and stuff but if he doesnt seem to care than he isnt worth it girl.move on theirs alot of great guys out there we just dont reconize that..but yea tryy talking to him first and than make a choice.i know its gonna be hard but things will get good in time dont worry.

  -deanna

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  Posted by lindaf Sun Nov 8, 2009 2:02pm PST

  My advice to you is plain and simple. Dump him. At his age he should be able to cope and accept any problem life deals him. Hold your head up high and move on to someone who is willing and capeable of having a meaningfull relationship. I am older and I have seen too many of my girlfriends tied up with older men only to find that as they aged the difference in ages betweent the two of them only caused problems and sever unhappiness. He should be more considerate towards you, and ex is an ex. Move on and enjoy your life as it goes so very quickly. Best of luck to such a caring person.

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