Love + Sex
Tuesday, November 24, 2009
Can You Start Over from Scratch with an Ex?
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We feel just awful that we at
EMandLO.com can’t answer every single advice question we get, but we figure
that any answer is better than no answer at all. Which is why we
decided to let you guys advise one of our readers. Share your advice in the
comments section below:
Dear Em & Lo,
I broke up with my boyfriend a few months ago, due to
some problems with the relationship and some awful things that were
going on in my personal life — it was just too much stress. I still
have feelings for my ex, however, and recently we started talking
and he wants to get back together. However, I just don’t feel ready
to jump back in to a full fledged relationship. What I’m wondering
is, can we date causally for a while first? I don’t want to just
jump right back in because I feel like we’ll gloss over the whole
getting-to-know-you part that we initially missed. We never had a
casual dating period where we were seeing each other as well as
other people, and though I don’t have any other interests on the
horizon, I feel like a period where we just take things slowly and
understand whether we’re truly compatible would be smart. But is it
too late for that? Would it be unfair for me to request it? Is this
a case where I have to go all or nothing? Help!!!
Sincerely,
Gun-shy
What do you think
Gun-shy should do? Let her know in the comments
below:
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Posted by Appletini Wed Nov 4, 2009 11:54am PST
Only if the problems that caused break up have been fully resolved. If it was all on you, but nothing in the relationship was causing you stress, then you can try again.
If not, don't dive into dating thinking you'll get back together.
Remain distant friends for the time being and get some counseling. That will help you figure out what is best.
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Posted by vixenvena Wed Nov 4, 2009 12:15pm PST
HELL NO! An ex is an ex for a good reason. Stop romanticizing. The relationship problems that were there before will be there again. Let go and move on. Stop looking backwards - the future is much brighter.
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Posted by SILENT KNIGHT Wed Nov 4, 2009 1:50pm PST
I've been there and done that. It is a waste of time to even entertain the notion of returning to an ex...and if they beg say no even stronger than before. X marks the spot like a bullseye so don't be a target.
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Posted by D Wed Nov 4, 2009 1:53pm PST
It cannot. Just attempted this very thing over the summer. The person above (vixenvena) was spot on. "The relationship problems that were there before will be there again." If only one person grows during the time you'e apart, there's no point. I have found many people are afraid of change. Personally, I welcome it!
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Posted by Maggie Wed Nov 4, 2009 2:00pm PST
If things in your personal life have altered who you are as a person, then I believe you should give your old flame a chance to get to know the new you. Explain to him if you want to take things slowly, he should respect that. If you guys are able to put the past behind you and start fresh, without letting old arguments or problems get in the way... then there's no problem.
That's only in my opinion. It's not easy, and in the past I've tried to rekindle things with an old ex but I figured out the reason I broke up with him-- was a reason thats irreparable. He didn't change whatsoever, so we resorted back to our old problems.
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Posted by Coug Girl Wed Nov 4, 2009 2:10pm PST
No, you cannot just tippy toe back into a relationship with someone you've already had a relationship with. You'll fall right back into the same routine and issues.
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Posted by jobeth pauline Wed Nov 4, 2009 2:36pm PST
Me--if you really love that person!!there is no what if?!...and if you still have dilemma dont continue its not working and worth it cause both of you gonna be hurt. Love your self first and you will learn to love others.... It will come the right place and the right time. Dont be afraid to be "single" enjoy it. Life is full of mysterious.
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Posted by Fiona Wed Nov 4, 2009 2:47pm PST
if your gonna sit here and blog about "should i take him back" then actually you shouldn't!
i feel that everything in life happens for a reason, if you don't react on something at impulse then your doubting your senses. When something is meant to be, you'll feel it and you'll never question yourself!! good luck, be strong.
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Posted by Erica Wed Nov 4, 2009 3:03pm PST
if you,ve travel down that road once,then maybe it isn't a good idea to take the same road twice!!!!!!!!!! Unless you was the cause of the split,I wouldn't exspect him to be any different than before.
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Posted by Kikki Wed Nov 4, 2009 3:04pm PST
What's wrong with asking for what you want in a relationship? I doesn't seem like you are very self confident, try dating yourself for a awhile and once you stop asking if it's fair to ask for what you want you'll be ready to date other people.
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