Commitment phobia - can it be healed?

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  Posted by anh Fri Nov 6, 2009 9:08pm PST

  It depends on the person's own experiences of what that means, and sadly enough, can be abused. Some people simply need respect for what is involved on a real, day-to-day level. Pressure to 'just do it' is disrespectful and it's not like you can't just move on. Face up to who you are involving yourself with on a real, not ideal, level. If someone wants to come back and try again, at least make it clear what you will actually do, not just say, if this happens again. And you don't have to be mean (blaming) about it, either.

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  Posted by another hockey fan Sat Nov 7, 2009 5:41am PST

  Why do you want to put up with this? Clearly you want a commitment and he's proven time and again, he doesn't. If you did get him to commit, exactly what kind of a faithful relationship do you think you would have?

  BTW, guess what, the reason why he keeps coming back to you isn't because he wants a relationship, it's because you keep taking him back. That's all you really need to know as he is never going to change until he wants to change.

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  Posted by Mauna Sat Nov 7, 2009 8:42am PST

  You are probably not having a phobia about committment, but the future possible aspect...the breaking up and all the pain and regret that comes with it from the committment to one particular partnet, OMO is what a lot are truly afraid of...the inevitable....it would be really nice to have that 100% secure feeling that the one you are with will be your best 'fit' as a lifetime committing partner as a lover, friend, etc, but because of how LIFE keeps changing, and all the stresse of it and comes along with it, more relationships are rendered which is a very sad story that all that are envolved when building up a so-called foundation in their 'relationship' become a living LIAR about when it comes to accountabilities of why someone's relationship has been broken and or torned apart.

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  Posted by Tom Sun Nov 8, 2009 10:24am PST

  well from a mans perspective is this: men don't grow up thinking about weddings, committments, etc. as do females. Nature wired men to want diversity, and for women to want exclusivity. when a man commits he no longer has that, the female gets what she wants (although not really, as men will still look and think about women and I don't care what your man says to reassure you, they do) exclusivity and a relationship but he won't. He may very well be in love with you, BUT men in general just aren't wired for commitments, they do it, but national statistics show only one couple in four (married) are happy and the cheating in relationships are well over 50%. If men wanted to commit you wouldn't have such high numbers.

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  Posted by DrFeelGood Sun Nov 8, 2009 4:04pm PST

  The issue here is, you do not know this guy at all. Something happened in his past that makes him frightened of commitment. What that is, you should know or find out, FROM HIM! Seriously. You have not given any details as to why. Just that he does not want what you do. Big surprise. Guess what. You need to get to know this guy. You need to do some work. Or get us more details. As an analogy, if I said about you, she doesn’t eat mushrooms. She didn’t eat them with her old boyfriend and doesn’t eat them now. But I love mushrooms. Why can’t I get her to like mushrooms? It sounds ludicrous but so does trying to solve your problem with no details. And no it is not anything where the whole male sex will not commit. You have heard of marriage, correct? Men do commit. That this man will not commit to two women, and that is the extent of the problem you have detailed, is not any surprise. You say it I s frustrating when he comes back. You know why? You let him back. The next time, try not letting him back in and moving on to someone who is ready for the same type of relationship you are. He, this one male in the billions of males in not only America but the whole wide world, this guy is not going to commit to you. You have set your standard with him. He screws up and you let him back in. Sorry to but that is the truth. You mention that there is nothing for him to fear, really? How do you figure that? He has had an on again off again relationship with you. And if you two are married and you decide it is off again, he could lose half of everything he has. How old are you? That would have been some good information to give. Where he is as far as education? Is he satisfied with it? Is he satisfied at work? Does he feel that he needs to continue to see other women? This one seems to be yes. And you just do not want to accept that. But moving on, is part of HIS problem that he has not established what HE wants before he starts a committed relationship? Do you know what HIS goals are? Do you know when HE sees himself committing to ANY woman? Or are you a bad communicator saying that,”He doesn’t want to talk.” Guess what, that is your communication right there. You have to learn what that means. And if you do not want to take the time to, move on. It is not brain surgery. You women want to make everything sex specific as if the male sex cannot commit. Does that mean since one woman like being submissive you all do? Does that mean that since one woman like to get tied up all women do? Does that mean since one woman does anything you can imagine you all do? Such inane statement that women lazily threw out there about all men. You found a guy that is not going to commit to YOU. No surprise. You will probably meet about a couple thousand more men in your life who will not. I do have to be this short about this because it is so poorly written. Give some background and details about why he might not want to commit. Honestly, give some details as to why you want to. You call him an ex. You have not given one detail that makes him seem like a nice guy. You make him seem like a cheater. Like a guy who wants to hide that he is dating you. Why do you want to commit to him? Seriously, you need to think about this whole post. Good Luck in All Endeavors, you are going to need it.

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