Dating After 20 Years

Ok, so I was separated a year ago and the divorce was final in June.  I have been out of the dating world for a very very long time!  So I thought, were do I start?  I live in a very rural area close to a small college town.  There is not a huge pool of date worthy men.  So, where do I go to meet guys?  The internet!

The first gentleman that I had a "date" with was very nice.  He lived in another small town about 40 miles away from me.  We met at a mall about halfway between his town and mine.  We ate pizza, went to the bookstore and hung out for about 2 hours.  Everything went fine and as I said, he was a very nice man.  Easy to talk to, courteous, not bad looking and not overbearing.  We ate at the food court and he paid, a plus.  "This could go somewhere!" I thought.  But after about an hour and a half, I was ready to go home.  Too much pressure, although it was not coming from him.  It was all me.  I was afraid, of what I don't know.  Afterward, we messaged a couple of times and he sent me virtual flowers.  This was all very nice, but I had planned a vacation soon after and was gone for about a week.  When I got back I procrastinated in contacting him.  Maybe I wasn't ready for a relationship.  Then he invited me to dinner, again at the mid-way town.  I accepted.  Two days before the big date, he messaged me.  He said he was sorry but he had also been seeing someone else and they had decided to take the next step and become exclusive.  He told me what a wonderful person he thought I was and hoped that we could stay in touch.  He was very charming and thoughtful, but I thought the broken date was a little rude.  So that ended that.

Fast forward three months.  About 3 days ago I met another guy on the same dating website.  He was more local.  We talked one evening then again for a good bit of the next day, which was my day off.  He liked everything I liked,  We connected on many levels.  It was very exciting!  I had found someone who was able to touch me!  It was like he could read my mind!  We were finishing each other's sentences before the day was over.    I got a little wreckless, well, a lot wreckless and invited he to my home to watch scary movies since it was Halloween night.  Mind you, it turned out that I did actually know this guy from many years previous, he was not a complete stranger or I would not have extended the invite.  He seemed very insecure about his appearance, but I told him looks aren't everything.  So he came.  He was much shorter and much rounder than his profile pic reflected.  I told myself that didn't matter.  He was very nice, still, and we sat down on the couch to watch "Night of The Living Dead".   Well, we weren't far into the movie before he started touching and groping me.  I thought that with the connection we had there would definely be a physical attraction.  No such luck.  It actually made my stomach hurt when he touched me.  He kissed me, and I let him.  His breath smelt like rotten teeth.  "Oh My God", I thought.  How do I get this guy out of my house?  I hate to hurt peoples feelings.  I had invited him!  I should have waited and met him somewhere neutral like they always council you to do on the websites.

After I shut him down for the second time, he moved to the chair.  He then started to tell me his family history which I had absolutely no interest in.  He went on for about 45 minutes, then announced that he should probably leave.  I did not protest.  He then attacked again with the kissing thing.  Who knows how long it would have gone on if I had not stopped him.  I walked him to the door and breathed a sigh of relief as he walked to his car.  I had to go back in the house and change my clothes to get rid of that awful rot smell and even then I could still smell it!  Could he possibly not have been aware of it?  

The moral of this segment of my story is this.  Don't jump to the conclusion that you are going to be physically attracted to someone until you meet them in the flesh.  No matter how connected you feel while talking to them on line, in person is a whole different ballgame!  Do not have them to your home but meet them somewhere that you can escape from if you find that you don't like them so well in the flesh. 

So where am I now?  I have experienced the one that got away and the one I want to go away.  One day I am sure that I am ready to initiate a new relationship and the next I think I will be happy living the rest of my life by myself.  I would like to experience the companionship and intimacy that come with a good relationship.  I did not have that in my marriage but I know what it is.  The internet dating sites are tricky because, just like in my second experience, you can connect on line but sometimes that does not translate into real life face to face.  So I guess I will keep looking and learn from my experiences. I'm sure, since I am a glass half  full kind of person, that there is someone out there that I will connect with on all levels.