When you're not getting what you want from someone it's easy to fall into the speculation trap of wondering "why".
After you have been rejected or put off sexually by your mate a few times and have asked her why without getting an open and honest reason the two of you can talk through.....etc.
You have to decide if having no sex in a "monogamous" relationship is a "deal breaker".
1. If it is, Get the hell out! (Life is short)
2. It it's not, then learn to do without.
(Avoid frustration and resentment which comes
with begging,hoping, and praying you'll "get
lucky")
You cannot control another person.
She is going to do whatever she wants to do.
The only person responsible for your happiness is you!
When you're in a relationship you have the right to ask for
what you need.
Assuming there is not a medical reason of some kind, If the
person you are with does not give you what you ask for there are
only two reasons.
1. She does not have it to give.
2. She does not feel you are worth the effort to give it
to.
You don't demand or negotiate love and affection. They are
given freely.
You don't manufacture chemistry. It's either there or
it's not.
The following advice comes from a man who has lived with half a dozen women and has been married twice.
1.The best way to avoid getting caught up with a woman that uses
sex
as a power play is to find one that has a high sex drive!
By that I mean the kind of woman who will break out the vibrator
if she has not gotten any in 3 days.
Any woman that does not have a high sex drive or at least wants it
as much as you do is a ticking time bomb.
If her attitude is she can take it or leave it when it comes to sex then the odds are it's just a matter of time when she will cut you off for one reason or another. Sex to her is equivalent to nothing more than a wifely duty, a bargaining chip to reward or punish you with as she sees fit.
2. Do not live with a woman whom you have not dated for at least
18 months.
It takes about this long to find out how high a person's sex
drive really is. The first 6-12 months it's easy for someone to
get their freak on and come across as wildly passionate because the
relationship is new and she feels you are "special" and
worth impressing but after a year or so a woman returns to her
natural drive. One of the first things to go will be oral sex.
Another reason to avoid living with a woman for as long as possible is the two of you will have sex more often than not when you pack an overnight bag and spend the night over each other's house.
There is something about "making the most of your time together" knowing you will not see each other again for a few days that keeps things fresh.
One of the best sexual relationships I was ever in was with a
girl I saw on Tuesdays, Saturdays, Sundays, and I departed for
work on Mondays.
We usually had sex at least 5 times a week during that period.
This went on for the full 4 years we dated!
Ask any man you know that has lived with his girlfriend or has been married for 4 years how many times he is having sex and my guess is it won't be 5 times a week!
When you don't live with a woman and she decides not to have
sex with
you then you can make an excuse to leave.
It's up to you whether you go hang out with your friends, go to
a club, hook up with an ex (better to break up than cheat), or
simply go back to your own place.
Either way you don't feel trapped.
Chances are after she rejects you and see you are heading out
the door she will either melt or at least tell you what is really
bothering her.
When you have "options" it's rare that a woman will
use withholding sex as a power
play.
When your names are on the lease or mortgage together that's
when the trap is set.
Nothing is worse than sleeping next to a beautiful woman night
after night and not being able to make love to her. In many ways
hell on earth.
The easy thing to do is to go out and cheat.
The courageous thing to do is end
the relationship and seek a woman that is so into you that she
won't play emotional or sex withholding games with
you.
A monogamous relationship without sex is just a
friendship.
A marriage without sex is nothing more than being roommates
with the same last name.
As I stated earlier you cannot control another person.
The only person you can control is you.
If what you have is not making you happy then it's time to let
it go.
There are almost 7 Billion people on this planet.
Odds are there are more than a few women that want what you
want.
Don't get me wrong there is much more to having a great
relationship than sex but if you are with someone that will not
communicate with you about things that are bothering them or they
use the withdrawal of affection and sex as weapons of battle
instead of putting everything on the table to the clear the
air....etc. Face the fact that this person is not "in
love" with you!
When you get right down to it not having sex
isn't the problem.
The real problem is being committed to someone who refuses
to communicate with you.
As Dr. Phil is fond of saying, "You Can't Fix What You
Don't Acknowledge!"
Life is too short to play games!
One man's opinion!
