Love + Sex

Wednesday, November 25, 2009

ramblings about him

so what is it when ur faced with a choice of pursuing someone u know could be everything u want but is too scared to try and pushes u away, no matter how much u reach out and just realizing that its pointless...how is it my head can tell me all the reasons why im stupid for continuing to care and wanting more and yet my heart tells me to go after it no matter the cost...i keep wondering what things would be like if he let his guard down and we gave things a try...so much so that it keeps me from really moving forward...which sucks because a man who i thought i had lost forever maybe coming back into my life next yr and while i want to forget this other guy and move 100% towards this new guy...somehow im stuck and i cant move anywhere..forward or backward...

is it simply a wondering of where things would lead that keeps me at a standstill??? is it some sick and distorted desire to somehow win the chase and prove that i was right and he does want me? after all i am completely messed up when it comes to men..so perhaps my own neurosis is to blame?...hmmm i hope it is not that..i think that it is because he is damaged like me...and somehow i think that the connection we have would completely repair us both and that we could be together what we would never be apart...but who knows...maybe im just being completely idealistic and/or neurotic....idk...sometimes i wish i didnt feel things so strongly...and i guess i usually dont..which is why when this guy entered my life and the connection blew me away that it made me want to see more...so many men have been nothing to me, no feelings, no connections, no anything...so i was blown over by what this man brought to me..it changed my perspective...and for a long time i thought he didnt care because of his words and actions, but my heart always told me that he did..and i believe that im right...that i might have some sort of proof...but also proof that he will never act on what he feels...

so now what?....i try to move on forever wishing that things had been different? missing him and wishing it was him that i was with? well that sucks...but perhaps that is what is meant to happen...maybe he only brings heartache instead of true love and happiness like i want/hope...i wish there was a magical way to make your heart line up with your head...to somehow turn your feelings off and make them go away...but if i could turn these feelings and longings for him off, would I? hmmm now thats a question to ponder....

ok so the more i think about this ongoing dilemma in my life...i am constantly reminding myself that life is not like a romantic comedy where men show up on doorsteps to declare there feelings after being assholes and usually there are no happy endings...but dammit...why cant it be that way?? why cant u have the one u have that connection with.,..why is it that we all hide behind these walls and build a facade of who we think people want us to be all the while wishing someone would break through and see us as we really are..and not run away but stay with us forever...but see i think we really feel that when they finally bust over that wall we have painstakenly built that somehow they will be repulsed at what they see...at the real us inside...with all of our damaged parts and not so pretty flaws...but isnt that what love is all about??finding someone you can be open with..and completely bare..flaws and all and finally know that your safe and that you dont have to put on a show or pretend with this person..you can just...be...thats what i want and what i think he wants to...what i think all of us want who have been hurt and devastated by someone we trusted and loved before...perhaps i am just somehow damaged beyond hope and will forever only want those men that will hurt me...the ones that will never give themselves completely and the ones that will take everything i have to give and then move on...i hope and pray that this is not so....that im not doomed to repeat my history over and over....that somewhere out there is someone who is imperfect and damaged and flawed just like me and yet is ready to try anyway...is ready to reach for something bigger and better than either one of us has ever experienced...

i dont know why i cant move on past this guy..who somehow seems just like me...maybe i just see myself in him and i want to erase the hurt and pain like i wish someone would do for me...and yet there is no one...no one to erase the pain...no one to ease the loneliness...no one that i can share my life with...just a broken past filled with broken promises and shattered dreams and all the while i still cant kill that unending desire to love someone completely with every fiber of my being...to finally unlock that part of me that has yearned to be set free for as long as i can remember

i need to move on...i know i do...i know he will only bring me pain unless he makes a decision to try....and yet my heart tells me he wont...even though he may want to..he just cant...and so i will be left to always wonder if he was the one that i was always meant to be with...

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Comments 1-6 of 6
  • Donna's Avatar
    Posted by Donna Mon Dec 22, 2008 6:20pm PST

    If it's meant to be, it will be. I know it is so cliche, but it is the honest truth. If it is not meant to be, the right person will come along. Don't shut the door possibilitites. Keep the door of communication open with the guy you want, but don't close the door to the possibility of meeting somebody even better for you.

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  • No Name's Avatar
    Posted by No Name Mon Dec 22, 2008 7:55pm PST

    i think you should just give this guy some space and if he wants to be with you it will happen theres no point in trying to force it to happen cuz its only going to brake your heart in the long run and make you upset believe me ive been there and done that and when guys do that its time to leave them alone and move on dont call him or text him any more dont go hang out with him and go out and do your own thing and get him out of your head youll be better off youll just make ur self crazy if you keep wondering and keep trying when hes not at all trying to have what you want you need some one that wants what you want to or its not going to work

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  • Angela's Avatar
    Posted by Angela Tue Dec 23, 2008 3:50am PST

    Wow, your thoughts have really blown me away. I totally understand what you are going through. It seems like noone will ever treat you with the importants that you see everyone else getting. I have been going through the same thing my whole life and actually right now I am going through the same dilema you are. I have reopened the lines of communication and trust me keep him in your life and be his friend. When he has troubles be there for him. Don't be starkerish or anything but text him now and then that you hope he has a good day or something. Let him see who you are over a period of time. I know it sucks but you have to be patient. Grow your friendship with him. Relationships are stronger when you have a friendship. Think positive and focus your mind on what you want and always be positive. Let him see the real you. Be there for him emotionally and mentally and he will grow to appreciate you. Just like money, relationships are an investment you have to let grow over time. Hope this helps. In the meantime go out with friends and enjoy your life. You only have one chance to live it.

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  • ~angeleyes~'s Avatar
    Posted by ~angeleyes~ Tue Dec 23, 2008 3:56pm PST

    apb, i will take your advice too.Thank you.I am friends with someone who i had a relationship with and it's killing me.i get the time thing, but wow it hurts like hell to wait.

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  • KK's Avatar
    Posted by KK Wed Dec 24, 2008 9:11am PST

    Oh honey... we could be twins. :*( I completely feel for you and your situation because when reading it I had to convince myself it wasn't me that wrote it.

    I don't have any different advice for you, because like me your head tells you one thing, your heart tells you another. It's so painful when the heart rules the mind in situations like these.

    I like what everyone has said here, and have heard it all before as well. I don't want to beg him to be with me but sometimes I feel like that's what I've done, and I know I used to be stronger than that. I've been patient for 10 months, and continue to be because I've only felt this way once before in my life (and I'm pushing 40).

    I guess patience and exuding confidence is the way to go - and keep yourself busy. The holidays are hardest for me, so hang in there.

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  • Cute's Avatar
    Posted by Cute Wed Dec 24, 2008 11:25am PST

    Like the first comment to your writing; I AM IN THE VERY SAME BOAT AS YOU; I, too, had to convince myself I didn't write it. As I sit reading what you are going through and how you feel, I am sitting around waiting for HIM to contact me. I'm way too available for him when he is doing exactly what I should be doing and that is LIVING my life. Everyone is right on here...if it's meant to be then it will be. The biggest thing is that it's the hardest thing to do...letting go without letting go of the possibility of him seeing the real me; appreciating me for everything I am and have to offer. I have always been of the thought.... friendship first and if something happens great. We have not had sex yet; although we have been intimate, which is why it's hard for me. Like most women, the intimacy seems like more relationship type activity and to a man ... well, they can separate the two. The best of luck to you, me and whoever else is in this situation!!

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Comments 1-6 of 6

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