Relationships

I guess writing that last blog made me feel better. Writing always does. Thank you to those of you who commented on the last blog. I needed the bluntness and the compassion. I don't feel entirely different, but I do look at if from a different perspective, I'm not the only one who goes through this, so I can get over it and suck it up. I've sucked things up my whole life. Why should this situation be any different? I still feel like I'm about to cry, but I'll suck it up. It wasn't even that deep, yet I'm still here. Oh well. I've always put my education first. I love my education.  Any who. I still think that there is no such thing as love for me. I still refuse to join in the search for love. I refuse to do a relationship again. I prefer to be alone.  I'll still smile in front of him just so he won't know he had an affect on me. I'm not as crazy as I was yesterday. I haven't cried yet. I feel it, but it hasn't come. I guess rehab is working lol. I really don't need a man/boy to make me happy. Before my ex, I was happy alone. I guess I can be that way again. I think my friends resent me ever going out with him because they said I changed. They said I became awkward and don't really like guys anymore. I didn't realize that I affected other people, so I think I'd better get over him quick. Now that I think about it, he hated the fact that I put my friends above him (more like friend). I couldn't help it, and it was only one day. She was feeling down, and I wanted to be there for her like I always was. Then, he would listen to his immature friends that really irritated me a lot. He wasn't that good of a boyfriend. I know I wasn't a good girlfriend either. Its okay for me though. I don't intend to do anymore relationships. Any who. One of my best friends said they missed the old me. I could tell that she was a little hurt. I kinda feel bad. No. I really feel bad. I didn't care how it made them feel. I feel very selfish. I'm going to take them out one day to apologize. I guess I'm slowly getting over him because I use to blame myself for the breakup. Now I really don't care. He wasn't even my type. He didn't have a job nor car. I have standards. I'm not going to lower them anymore. Excuse me why am I talking about this. I'm so done with relationships. I just need to get myself back for my friends and myself. I need a job too. I'm sick of being stuck at home... OMG... I think I'm slowly coming back. Weird how things work out. I'll remember this lesson for the future.