Love + Sex

Thursday, November 26, 2009

Things Women Never Want to Hear in Bed

Whether it’s a first-time hookup or long-term lusting, these phrases are sure to make a woman put her pants back on — fast. Send this to your guy and tell him to commit this list to memory. And ladies, you’ll want to ban these 10 lines from your bedroom library.

“Well, that was fun.”
When we sleep with you for the first time, we can’t help but wonder if we’re just another notch on your bedpost. So when you make a flippant comment, especially if it’s followed by a mad scramble for your boxer shorts, it’s sure to freak us out.
 
“Um, I think your Aunt Flo is in town.”
Guess what? Only our Great Aunt Mildred would call it that. Be a grown-up and try not to make a big deal having sex while we’re on our period it or we’ll pretend you have cooties and never have sex with you again.

"Your tummy feels so soft.”
We love it when you compliment our body, but you better be damn sure it’s a part we’re proud of before you praise it in bed. Even the most confident chicks can use a boost to feel sexier naked. It doesn’t matter how much you adore our curves, drawing attention to something we may be insecure about sucks our libido dry.

Another woman’s name.
This really needs no explanation, so let’s move on to how you can make it up to us. First, apologize. Then, apologize. Then, full-body massage.

“Shh!”
Seriously? Either we’ve turned up the volume because we want you to know how good we feel or you’re just totally blowing our mind. Sometimes we like to let go in bed. You really want us to simmer down?

“Do you mind if my roommate joins us?”

Hell yeah, we mind. Nothing makes our douche bag detector go off like the suggestion of an impromptu threesome. It’s not that we’re necessarily even against a ménage à trois, but we want to be damn sure we know whose playing the game before we strip down.

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From the Community…

Comments 1-10 of 22
  • Alexus's Avatar
    Posted by Alexus Wed Nov 4, 2009 1:25pm PST

    haha I'm over here cracking up!UHH you left out who's your daddy! UGH And one of my girlfriends stories when dude called her mommy! Ya had to hear her tell it!LOL UHH

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  • SILENT KNIGHT's Avatar
    Posted by SILENT KNIGHT Wed Nov 4, 2009 1:30pm PST

    And this is why silence is golden. Communication is highly over-rated at times.

    Report Abuse
  • Esley's Avatar
    Posted by Esley Wed Nov 4, 2009 1:40pm PST

    LOL! Gotta go with Michael on this one!

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  • Leah's Avatar
    Posted by Leah Wed Nov 4, 2009 1:44pm PST

    any sentence that begins "I probably should have mentioned this before..."

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  • Ronald's Avatar
    Posted by Ronald Wed Nov 4, 2009 1:53pm PST

    Zom-B Sheeh, I thought those lines were kind of funny. I once grabbed a handful of what I thought was breasts and come to find out it was her midriff, ugh. If Aunt Flo is in town, be sure to spread the Sunday comics out, thats sure to get a laugh. Ya'll need to loosen up.

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  • Cindy's Avatar
    Posted by Cindy Wed Nov 4, 2009 4:30pm PST

    I kinda think "Your tummy feels so soft" is more about the skin on your tummy than any flabbiness there. I know that's what I mean when I say that to my bf.

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  • Kai's Avatar
    Posted by Kai Wed Nov 4, 2009 5:08pm PST

    Zom-B: as far as I can tell, most women aren't that oversensitive, but lets not forget that we're all living in a society that emphasizes that "women should be skinny and beautiful and ornamental". it does tend to make it harder not to react to otherwise trivial things when female self-confidence takes so many blows on a daily basis.

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  • KittyKat's Avatar
    Posted by KittyKat Wed Nov 4, 2009 5:11pm PST

    I dont know I'd like to hear my tummy feels soft cuz it means I have soft delicate hands. I've never had sex while on my period. Like to try it but its kinda too gross for me and my man.

    But yea loosen up cuz I thought those were funny and true.

    yea one time I was hanging out with my friends and there was this guy who had a crush on me like 4 years ago. It was cute but I wasnt in to him. When I was dropped out he called me another girl's name. And it happened in front of my own mom. lol!

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  • Zom-B's Avatar
    Posted by Zom-B Wed Nov 4, 2009 6:27pm PST

    Ok, Kai, I give. Since I'm not female, I obviously can't speak for what it's like.

    I think the thing that annoyed me the most is that I'm quite sure most people don't actually talk like this or do these things. That, to me, screams "fluff piece".

    BTW, about the "Aunt Flo" thing....I can't speak for anyone else, but when I was married, I LOVED having sex during those times...'cause my wife let me stop using a condom while she was on her period. So no...can't say I had any qualms about it. In fact, I was a very happy camper.

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  • Daniel G's Avatar
    Posted by Daniel G Wed Nov 4, 2009 10:11pm PST

    Got to go with michael and one voice on this one only a few words should be said "i love you and 1 or 2 others. If love makeing you should be able to read your minds.

    Another one is

    Wait a minute have you been AROUND?

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Comments 1-10 of 22

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