User post: Should you stay in a broken marriage just for the kids?

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  Posted by urassismine2 Fri Oct 30, 2009 8:43am PDT

  We two refuse to adjust,..for themselves, than the marriage becomes brittle. Eventually, is there isn't some sort of reasonable effort to address the union through professional help, then, the brittle will will begin to break off, in pieces. The disintegration of the whole will affect the most vulnerable within the microeconomic environment of the home. The "feeling" of dysfunction from the lack of cohesive stability between two will be felt in the depressive feelings of blame, assumed by those whose minds are to young to reason the causes for the emotional separation,..of two. The blame game wins everytime. It never fails to laugh loudest, when the torrent air of argument has center ring attention. The adults made promises that they are failing to keep, all over America. Every lawyer has a big new house, while both of you are losing yours. The tragedy of debt, holds tightly to each of your belts as you slam the door, trying to get away from the situation that is you. Divorce can last forever in the mind, based on a short period of just not trying to be a better you,..for two...Just a thought..

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  Posted by casy Fri Oct 30, 2009 8:45am PDT

  NO I would not. And I didn't stay in my broken marriage. After years of fighting and his drinking that only got worse, I left. It was better all for us all. That was 8 years ago now. I am and the kids are so much happier. I am in another relationship now. And my X is dating. Move on, do it not only for your self but you kids. Your kids well be ok , better with out the seeing and hearing all the fighting. Remember you 2 are suppose to be their role models. They need a stable, loving life. They learn from you 2. So go. One day you well met Mr. Right , who will love you and your children. And make sure you get Child and spousal soprt, you'll be ok......

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  Posted by urassismine2 Fri Oct 30, 2009 8:48am PDT

  When two refuse..

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  Posted by krj02004 Fri Oct 30, 2009 8:59am PDT

  I don't even know what to think of urassismine2's post, haha, but anyways here is my take:

  After 2.5 years of going through what you are, I finally recently had the courage to elave my marriage. Staying for the kids is not a good reason to stay in a marriage. Trust me. You will end up not just resenting your partner (which you probably already do), but yourself as well. You will constantly think about what you could have been and who you could have been with if you stay. This will result in one of 2 things: You or your spouse will start having affairs, and most likely you will never reach your full potential as a mother or really just a human being because this relationship will hold you back.

  These feelings of discontentment will keep becoming intensified and you will become a sad, depressed, and/or bitter person. Do your kids deserve a mom like that? Kids are smart and only get wiser with age... they will see through your fake marriage and will be affected by it. Negatively. Your kids deserve a happy environment... and that starts with you! If you aren't happy then they will never grow up in a happy home and environment.

  But regardless, you should leave for yourself. Because YOU deserve to be happy and have to take care of yourself. Teach your kids some self-respect by doing the right thing...otherwise they will just repeat what you have done in your own relationship.

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  Posted by Coug Girl Fri Oct 30, 2009 10:26am PDT

  Being a grown child of an unhappily married couple, I sometimes think divorce would have been healthier for my brother and I than to STILL be watching how our parents interact, or DON'T interact with one another. It's painful, and quite obvious, and downright uncomfortable sometimes. Even my husband feels uncomfortable most of the time.

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  Posted by Karrie H Fri Oct 30, 2009 10:29am PDT

  Your both Adults, You shouldnt fight you should know a calm way to settle things marriages dont make it if you dont try so its really up to you!

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  Posted by jerryv Fri Oct 30, 2009 10:30am PDT

  NO, i went through this 5 yrs ago and i fought with decision to leave big time for my kids. The only thing they saw from their parents was fighting and bikering. No way to raise kids. Especially when you are supposed to be their role models. My kids are doing great these days. Oviouslly if they were with both parents it would be best but not when parents are fighting like cats and dogs.

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  Posted by MistressMinx Fri Oct 30, 2009 10:36am PDT

  I wouldn't stay - and didn't. I wanted my daughter to be happy - heck, I wanted to be happy. And, everyone is much happier now, including my ex. No more bitter arguments.

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  Posted by Stacy Fri Oct 30, 2009 10:49am PDT

  I used to feel llike the kids should come first. I stayed in a horrible marriage for 20 years. Our household was a nightmare to live in. My husband drank daily, was both physically and mentally abusive, and as much as I suffered and endured, I now realize that my children did as well by what they saw and heard. As older teens and young adults, my children told me that we should be apart. My daughter told me to quit being a doormat, and to leave, and if I couldn't do it for myself then, to do it for them because they were afraid I was going to end up dead. I did my children no favors by syaying for so long.... I wish I had done it many, many years sooner. I found a wonderful, caring man who I am now married to, and I love the life and the man that I am with! My kids would have had a lot more peaceful childhood if I had left. I can't go back, and they are wonderful people, but there are some small emotional scars from the things they have seen.

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  Posted by TAY Fri Oct 30, 2009 10:49am PDT

  No. My mom stayed for the kids and I can tell you we knew it. When I was young I didn't really understand why things were happening, but I knew they were. Now that I'm older I can look back and say she should have left. She would have been happier and we wouldn't have had to live with the pain of two people who weren't in love and couldn't respect each other.

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