Wednesday, November 25, 2009

8 (cheap and free) ways to wind down or ramp up after stressful family events

Why is it that all of the things that are supposed to be most joyful about the holiday season often end up being the most stressful?

I love sending holiday cards to reconnect with any friends from my life I haven't already hunted down on Facebook or Twitter, but the process of taking a skinny-looking, smiling, fancy black and white photo, writing a letter, scouring address books and spending a gajillion dollars on stamps often makes it one of my least favorite tasks of December (OK, January).  Add to that the gift shopping, office parties, decorating and baking and you've got enough stress to earn you a nice, long hibernation.

Oh, and we can't forget family. That's right,family - the biggest stressor of all. 

And maybe it's not so much our actual families, or even individual members of our families, but the spontaneous combustion, weirdness and humiliation that comes with having everyone in one confined space over cocktails, tryptophan and Jell-O salad that brings on the surge in blood pressure, sweating and claustrophobia.

Even if your family doesn't make you think about loading up on your happy pills in between the onslaught of casseroles and annual Pictionary showdown (and if that's the case, more power to you and please fill the rest of us in on how you escaped all the madness), the juggle of schedules and Secret Santas and in-law expectations can still wear you down.

The trouble with being immersed in all that stress is finding a way out. This list of ways to wind down and ramp up after you attend family events this holiday season will help soothe your spirit, get your heart rate to a good place and make you feel like you really can get a last-minute relish tray together after all. We've provided an inexpensive option and a free option for all budgets.

1.  $10 music tune-up:  Take the ten bucks you are tempted to spend on a bottle of Shiraz to hoard while you listen to your cousin tell the story about how boring house arrest is (again) and use that cash to download a new album you've been wanting. If you really need to tune out your family, cover up your MP3 headphones with your hair or a festive Santa hat and just nod and smile (that's probably what many of them would like you to do rather than spout off about the election anyway). If that won't work -- or hey, if you really do enjoy conversing with your relatives -- burn a CD and listen to the new album in the car on the way there and the way home. If the music helps you take some deep breaths or even thrash around a bit in a fit of centeredness, then all the better.

I suggest Dido's "Safe Trip Home" or Jeremy Fisher's "Goodbye Blue Monday."  And when stress levels peak, simply play Emmy Rossum on repeat like I do.

2.  Free music tune-up:  Spend twenty minutes (they will be well worth it, I promise) to hunt down that giant box of mix tapes from the late 80's and early 90's we all know is hiding under your bed or in your basement or in your parents' attic. You will probably need another hour to find a cassette player, but that also will be worth the investment of time and cobweb removal. Get the tapes cranking and try hard not to think about all the Christmases past with the family. Instead focus on that one boy from Human Comm Theory class or how often you wore those acid washed jeans or the physics involved in fixing your bangs every morning -- all the things those songs remind of other than your family. And really, who can stay anxious when REO Speedwagon or Pixies or Prince is blasting?

3.  $20 bathtub unwind: Stop by the store or order up some luxurious, organic bath stuff for yourself. Justify the cost of a splurging on products that might be just a bit higher end by adding it into the entertainment budget (so you put your own microwave popcorn in a Ziploc to take to that horrible animated holiday movie with the kids, big deal). Lock yourself in the bathroom with a cup of tea, a gratuitous gossip magazine and spend all the time you need spa-ing away the stress.

4. Free bathtub unwind:  Rummage around in your kitchen and through your medicine cabinet for all the ingredients you need to whip up your own bath salts or herbal milk bath. With a little Epsom salts, essential oil or dry milk, you can do wonders for your tub and soak away a lot of your stress.  Grab a novel off of your bookshelf that you've been meaning to read and make yourself a bubbly drink by splashing cranberry juice into the last of the tonic or seltzer from yesterday's bash and you will be good to go. The "do not disturb" attitude comes at no charge as well.

5.  $20 yoga stretch: 
Many yoga studios offer walk-in rates of $15 to $20, making it relatively cheap for you to pop in for a class when you need one most. Find a class near your home or on the way home. Or consider mapping out a studio located around the corner from the big family fiesta so you can slip away and return an hour later, rejuvenated.

6.  Free yoga stretch:  My cable package comes with OnDemand, which is loaded with yoga, Pilates and stretching classes for free. I admit, I've yet to find a class that leaves me so relaxed that I question whether I should operate the car (as my favorite yoga teacher's classes do regularly), but they definitely get me to a more Zen place than when I skip the mat-work altogether. I suggest laying out your yoga pants, mat, water bottle and any other gear you might need so that you are all ready to go once you get home from the family party.

If you don't have OnDemand or cable, check out one of these wonderful podcasts or set up your laptop so you can follow one of these online classes.

7.  $3 holiday card zone out: 
Stop off at a drugstore or office supply spot and pick up some fancy metallic markers that will inspire just enough creativity without the pressure of being craft-maniacal. Use these to turn the tedious task of addressing holiday cards into a perfect way to turn off the chatter from your relatives and turn up your artistry. I am a die-hard Sharpie marker fan, especially now that they come in lots of pretty colors, fine points and fat points. Add some swirls, snowflakes or impressive lettering to make each envelope unique and personalized.

8.  Free holiday card zone out:  Opt out of the expense of holiday cards and channel your creative energy into making an online holiday card from your family. Whether you choose to Photoshop a cute picture of your kids to email or use a free site like Evite, turn the task of sending cards into a de-stresser for you. Plugging in email addresses or playing around with fonts and themes can be surprisingly calming and completely free! (And cyber-cards offer you the opportunity to blame the big, bad Internet if any relatives accidentally-on-purpose don't get one in their inbox.)


What ways do you wind down or ramp up after stressful family events?


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From the Community…

Comments 1-10 of 13
  • JosieM111's Avatar
    Posted by JosieM111 Tue Dec 2, 2008 7:07am PST

    Tequila!

    ...but, seriously, downloading new tunes, grabbing the iPod and going for a run with the volume up to 11.

    JOSIE.

    www.lifeofjosiem.com

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  • Peace's Avatar
    Posted by Peace Tue Dec 2, 2008 7:16am PST

    After all the prep, watching my family devour the food, (I had a salad and pie) they did the dine n dash. Not one person volunteered to help clean up the mess. This was expected, as this is their normal behavior.

    Usually the next question from my family is, what are we doing for Christmas, meaning are we coming to your house? While all of these greedy non helpful relatives were gobbling up my delious feast I had prepared for them, I made an annoucement for the next holiday I would be volunteering at the local homeless food bank. They just looked at me as if I were from outer space. And kept on eatting.

    As for my stress relief, I headed to my local spirit establishment and purchased my favorite bottle of sherry and thanked God Thanksgiving was over. Considering everything went as expected, I always get a kick out of my dysfunctional family and look forward to the next festive event.

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  • Nicky's Avatar
    Posted by Nicky Tue Dec 2, 2008 7:47am PST

    Why would I give up a bottle of Shiraz which I definately would be hording for a CD? The Shiraz is what is going to keep me relaxed through the chaos.

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  • HBowne's Avatar
    Posted by HBowne Tue Dec 2, 2008 9:04am PST

    I love tip #8. My hubby lost his job last year around Christmas and at first I figured to cut costs we just simply wouldn't send out cards. But then, in a sudden brainstorm, I thought, "Hey, we can e-mail them for free!" So I hopped onto Microsoft Publisher and created a really cool collage card and sent it out. I love this technology stuff!

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  • 's Avatar
    Posted by Tue Dec 2, 2008 9:31am PST

    Why does it not occur to people not to actually spend time with family who drive them crazy? Because my mother always waits until the last minute to ask me to holiday dinners, I always make sure that I have plans in advance and remind her that she has to ask me more than 3 days in advance for holiday plans. Since she can never remember to do this, I haven't had to spend the last 5 years worth of holidays with her and her family and I have had a lot of peace. Also, drinking mimosas for breakfast helps.

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  • ladybella04's Avatar
    Posted by ladybella04 Tue Dec 2, 2008 9:50am PST

    Great ideas! I seriously could have used those before Thanksgiving. I had a HUGE meltdown and CRAZY freakout, while getting ready to leave for my brother's birthday celebration. There was wild flailing of the arms and much waving of my middle finger, complete with me muttering and cursing under my breath like a drunk hobo, while attempting to muffle my screaming into whispers. And yes, I was sober. I'm actually proud of myself for managing to keep all the anger under wraps for the whole holiday weekend. I sulked though the entire birthday dinner, BUT (sigh)...I did not say anything spiteful or bitchy or evil. I kept my mouth shut (yay, me!) I sincerely wanted for my brother to have a nice birthday. I just needed a break from all of the family time, as it usually manages to bring up issues I thought were long forgotten. I swear to God, everytime I think I have them beat, I find out that there is no winning. It's a lose-lose situation all around...as in losing my mind, because my mother drives me crazy!

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  • Demo's Avatar
    Posted by Demo Tue Dec 2, 2008 11:40am PST

    With my family. I sit back and watch the craziness, and think "wow this would be a funny movie". We have two volumes Loud and Louder,,,TIme goes by fast, enjoy the craziness,,have a few drinks and lots of laughts

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  • icenine's Avatar
    Posted by icenine Tue Dec 2, 2008 1:24pm PST

    It may help you to attempt a little humility. Instead of enlisting in the I/me/mine attitude, put others first. Volunteer at a free kitchen (horrors), or deliver a sack of White Castles to the homeless under the bridge. Next week, grab a couple of letters to "Santa" at the post office. You will maintain your blood pressure and foster the true meaning of the season. Avoid being a victim, be proactive. Give a smile to those you detest. Serenity NOW.

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  • Kate's Avatar
    Posted by Kate Tue Dec 2, 2008 4:29pm PST

    Jesus Christ....I know my life is pretty awesome, but there's no way I can be only person who feels this way.

    I see my family twice a year or so...and I look forward tot he craziness. Now I look forward to the craziness of my boyfriend's family too...maybe that makes me crazy, but I look forward to being with them.

    Don't get me wrong..my sister drives me nuts at times, but I'd rather her drive me nuts than not visit.

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  • IKAMUNOZ's Avatar
    Posted by IKAMUNOZ Tue Dec 2, 2008 5:44pm PST

    WOW what kind of motivation is this,of course times get a lil stressfull but what about that person who would give anything to be with a family,not to put a damper on anyone but this is really negative dang appreciate your family it's only a couple of days we have the whole year to ourselves and be with people who probably treat us worse and yet we tolerate them..geezz

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Comments 1-10 of 13

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holiday entertaining byte

Over the years I’ve developed a “party pantry”: staples to always have on hand to unnerve last minute entertaining. -- party planner Marcy Blum